You know you live in Amsterdam when..

…you turn to your local weekend “events around town” and find these –

SATURDAY 31 MARCH
Sex: Open Wallen Dag
Everything you always wanted to know about prostitutes but were afraid to ask. Yep, it’s Open Wallen Dag again, so today all Randy Andies have a legitimate excuse to head for the Red Light District. That said, there will be a handful of male prozzies in windows, too. (…) Various locations in Red Light District, 12.00-18.00, free.

Gay: Speed-dating for HIV+ gay men
According to organisers Poz and Proud—a radical group within the HIV Vereniging—this will be the world’s first-ever speed-dating event for gay men who are positive. As many HIV+ people will tell you, finding a lover, a partner or even a one-night stand isn’t easy, especially if one is positive and the other isn’t, and that’s why some HIV+ gay men prefer to date men who share their status. There’s room for 60 guys and each date will last three minutes.PRIK, 15.00, free.

Club: Spank Spank
Spank Spank is not just a fun thing to do when it’s raining outide. A truly collaborative effort, as Amsterdam-based Delsin Records is adding another sweaty palm to the bottom end of the evening, Spank Spank should leave you red, tingly and wondering afterwards where all the delightful bruises came from. (Shain Shapiro) Café Pakhuis Wilhelmina, 22.00, €7.

Let me hasten to add this is in our regular good old Amsterdam weekly, not any kinky magazine (Damn, the disclaimer makes me oh-so-non-gezellig). Who am I kidding, I love this wonderful city!

Live and let live. No one does it better than the Dutch. Freedom is a basic human right, and let no one tell you otherwise.

PS: India Uncut is all praise for the Netherlands in this post. Well deserved, I must say.