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The center of my universe

It’s a sunny summer morning. I am reading the news. I laugh uncontrollably at the ridiculous youtube video someone had sent me a link to, and then, look up from my computer across the table, to share my joy. The big black chair is empty.

I can hear the ticking of the hallway clock and it is distracting me from my reading. Somehow the perfect music to fit my mood doesn’t magically fill the room, like it had never before failed to do.

I find myself in the kitchen, distractedly making breakfast, amused by the antics of the tabby cat who lives by the window next door. I have made two bowls of cornflakes and now have no idea what to do with the second one.

Hunger strikes at 12 and I decide I still have enough time to head to the supermarket. Hunger strikes real hard at 2 and I realize I still have nothing to eat. I curl myself up on the sofa for my afternoon siesta, remembering the sweet rebuke that finds its way into my ears every time I miss a meal.

I never miss an evening coffee. But the thought of sitting across a table from the big black empty chair makes me skip the whole coffee ritual. It’s a beautiful evening and I don’t know what to do.

I decide to pick up a new book to read. I stare at the unread section of our bookshelves. I keep staring – perhaps if I stare long enough, I would hear the familiar voice recommending a book, persistent even after all these years, even though I never fail to remind him I need to really pick the book out on my own, and just to prove the point, pick something else.

It’s almost night, and the neighbor upstairs hasn’t finished fixing her Ikea cupboard. I look over the soft toys strewn across the sidetable and choose the ragged Winnie-the-poo, not least because of some cruel law of ageing magnets that had separated him from Tigger, to gripe to, about my neighbor’s impending nocturnal carpentry.

Some things are never easy, no matter how many times you have said them before. Goodbyes are one of them.

Some things are never said, no matter how easy they should have been. Telling someone that they are the center of your universe is one of them.

Posted in Musings, Personal on August 11, 2007

11 Responses

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  1. Lunte says

    This post is, as always, and like others, a great read again!! ; )

  2. 30in2005 says

    is this just sad fact or intense fiction?

  3. anjali says


  4. anjali says

    BTW, meant to say earlier….if i didn’t know S was in the US, i would have read this post and thought you guys were separating. “Some things are never easy, no matter how many times you have said them before. Goodbyes are one of them.”….that’s pretty intense, you know.

  5. S says

    Anjali, S here and no, we are not separating. Surya must have been missing me that badly :)

  6. anjali says

    Hey S, i know that. hence the disclaimer up front…”if i didn’t know S was in the US…”. of course she is missing you a lot! :)

  7. Surya says

    Thanks for the comments..:) And it is more sad fact than intense fiction.

    Anjali, will call you when I am in US. Not sure of the dates yet, but prob mid Sep..

  8. Shams says

    Surya,did you take a flight from Newark to San Francisco during the July 29 weekend? Thought I saw a girl who looked just like you. :)

  9. Surya says

    Nope..not me. but word is that many of my evil lookalikes have been running amok in the world.

  10. Web Designer Delhi says

    Wow… sad… but so beautiful… bet we’ll see a book come out of that head of yours sooner than later! :)

  11. Deepthi Menon says

    Surya,what you wrote touched my heart…and left a feeling there which i can’t explain.Now i am realising the joy of togetherness in life..

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